OK, here's the plan.

Deciding what to do has been more difficult than I had ever thought possible. Everything I came across elicited the "yep, need some of that" reaction I was loooking for. Manual after manual brought mantra after mantra, meditation after meditation I felt I needed. I'll be frank and let you know I didn't even consider full yoga sets...too much, too much, too much. So, that made things a tad easier, but I was still facing a daunting task.

So, I pulled my old stand-by off the shelf, Gurmukh's The Eight Human Talents.

"Restore Balance and Serenity within you with Kundalini Yoga." Yep, that's just it, thank you very much. In my tried and true method, I closed my eyes ruffled the well-worn pages a bit and let things fall open where they would.

Bowing, in the section on the 6th chakra, home of intuition. Interesting. My third eye is usually my strong point, often annoyingly overactive, but something I can reliably turn to when things are awry. Since #3 came along though, it has basicly been shut down. The ghost images and colors that usually traipse across my eyes when I focus there have abandoned me to a stark field of blankness...and I simply find it impossible to focus.

Seems like a good place to start, and I simply l.o.v.e. bowing. It's something a lot of people have trouble with...bad connotations of subjugation and all...but for someone that craves connection, it hits the spot. I have stars next to this passage: "It is a humble act, but all too often people confuse humility and humiliation. Humility means understanding that you are a worthwhile and valuable person who is part of a greater whole." I think as a parent I need reminding of that every day, even as it's being shoved in my face.

I was hoping for some mantra though, I think I need some deep concentration to quiet the "monkey mind" that is running like a bad sit-com through my consciousness, so I think I'll use it as a warm-up. Nothing else in that section struck me, so on to other resources!

Snugged next to Gurmukh's book on the shelf is my other fave...The Prayer Solution.

Equally as well-worn and earmarked throughout, this gem by my friend and mentor, Helena Raghubir Eyre, has served often to unstick me when I'm definitely stuck. "Be Who You Came Here to Be." Sing it sister! What mom on earth doesn't need her some of that?!?!? Eyes closed again, randonmly flipping pages lands me in the table of contents. Odd. Scanning the page though, my eyes are riveted by the words "Kirtan Kriya"...and I instantly go all soft and gooey inside. It feels like I'm wrapped in my favorite blanket, soft and snuggly. I seriously almost said "aaawwwwwww!".

Examining the section it was in further showed it following a section on discipline and the meditation itself labeled "Healing the Subconscious". Bells and whistles going off all over when I read Helena's discussion of it's effects. Perfection. Now we've got it all, and it couldn't be more simple and basic. Again, perfection. Don't think I could handle anything complex, I have too much of that in my day to day, my brain might explode if given any more.

This will be my routine:

Tune in by chanting "Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo" three times. (If you're not familiar with Kundalini Yoga, each session starts with this as a way of setting your intent for your practice. Loosely translates as "I bow to the creative power; I bow to the teacher within myself.")

3 minutes of bowing as laid out in Gurmukh's book.

7 minutes of Kirtan Kriya. (The link takes you to Gururattan Kaur Khalsa's website and a good basic description of this practice. I'll probably use the recording by Peace Family, it's my favorite.)

Closing with "the sunshine song" and long Sat Nam. (The ultimate self-affirmation, "Truth is my name." For newbies, this closes each Kundalini session.)

B.I.N.G.O. I'll get rolling on November 1. Look for possible posts before that elaborating on my links at left and some more basic info on Kundalini practices for those a bit perplexed about some of the things I'm talking about....and yes, I know no pictures makes for a boring blog, so I'll get us some of those too.

If you're out there lurking or planning to jump on board, drop me a comment, would love to hear your plans!

It's a journey. Keep me company, come along for the ride.

This blog, it's about me. It's about me and yoga. Me and Kundalini yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan. Oh, and meditation...Kundalini yoga and meditation as taught by Yogi Bhajan. It's hopefully going to be about me once again bringing more Kundalini yoga and meditation back into my days.

Forty days at least. Why forty days?

Because 8 months after the birth of surprise child #3, I'm stuck and spiraling downward instead of upward. I need to make some changes, and this is the best way I know how. I first had my personal Kundalini "revalation" 5 years ago, after the birth of #1. It was like being struck by lightning. It was like coming home. It was like nothing else I've ever tried before.

I was hooked instantly and practiced regularly for the better part of the next 4 1/2 years, with a small break after the birth of #2. During those years, at the urging of my mentor, Helena Raghubir, I began teaching Kundalini based prenatal yoga, completed Level 1 teacher training in Kundalini Yoga and Meditation as taught by Yogi Bhajan, studied with Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa in LA and obtained my certification in the Khalsa Way of prenatal yoga.

As this last pregnancy progressed, it became increasingly clear that I needed to pare back, clear the decks and concentrate my energies on my baby, my family and my self. A beautiful friend began teaching my prenatal classes, and though I had good intentions of attending, nesting overcame all and slowly my practice slipped. And oh how easily and far it slipped.

Sleepless nights and chaotic days have kept me reeling, but finally enough is enough. I feel sick. I hurt. I'm crabby and short tempered. I know that I can count the nights I've slept more than 3 hours straight on one hand most likely plays a major role in that, but that's not going to change any time soon. I need to find something else...and I know what that "else" is.

It's time for the yoga.

OK, back to the 40 day thing. In yogic tradition, it's said that it takes 40 days to change a habit, 90 days to confirm the habit, 120 days for the new habit to become who you are and 1000 days to master said new habit. As Guru Dev, a most wonderful healer and soul is fond of saying (at least to me...) "just do it every day for the rest of your days."

But seriously, can you see the beauty of a daily discipline? For me it will hopefully give me time I set aside each day to clear out, to release, to just be...without changing a diaper, making dinner, breaking up spats and answering the phone all at the same time....with you to hold me accountable.

So, that's the plan. 40 days of Kundalini yoga and meditation, and once we get there we'll see what lies beyond.

"WE", you say? Maybe that's presumptous. My hope is you will come along with me. Pick something that calls to you and roll right along. It can be something as simple as 11 minutes of silence in gyan mudra or as complex as full morning sadhana. (don't bother over the terminology, I'll catch you up later...or check out some of the links for more K yoga info.) Or here are some fun ones:

• Wear white, ALL white (yes, your skivies too) for 40 days. White makes a drastic change on your electromagnetic field and how other people perceive you...and it feels SO good!
• Get the meat out. You never know what it will feel like until you try it...and you might find eating more veggies isn't so bad after all!
  
• Or juice. Juicers can be cheap and wow, what a difference drinking up some fruits and veggies can make. Makes me feel brighter and lighter even in the depths of a MN winter.
• Or do the cold early morning shower thing. (minds out of the gutter people, we're talking hydrotherapy here! Hard to face in a MN winter, but I've done it and wow, talk about making a shift. My tip, don't forget the almond oil before!)

The point is to pick something and go for it with me. Or hey, just stalk my progress and go for it later. Maybe I'll plant a seed that will take a bit to germinate...heck it's taken 8 months for me to get here!

There's the premise, we'll get to the pulp of it later. I'm targeting November 1st as Day 1. Various life nuttiness should be wrapping up then and the baby will hopefully give me nap time to make it happen. So stay tuned, things are just getting started!