Finding Grace

That is what I need. To find a way to be with grace where I am now. To accept where my life has taken me. To embrace it instead of dwelling on "woulda coulda shoulda been if only". To feel like now is enough in itself, without a grander plan for the future.

Ah, the trap of the SAHM.

Deep sigh.

Continue working on giving myself moments of stillness...physically, mentally, emotionally hard but getting better.

Talk about regression...

OK, starting at the way, wee start is apparently going to be necessary.

I wasn't even this far gone when I first landed in Helena's class at the Y 6 years ago...of course that was also 3 kids and 3 c-sections ago too.

Yoga is hard now. It's a chore. It hurts.

My body feels like a lump.

There's nothing, nada going on at ajna when I focus on my 3rd eye.

The monkey mind is rampaging.

So, that's where I'm starting. Sitting quietly, focus at the brow, still the mind.

Can you say "twitchy"? That's me.

The Ultimate Kick in the Pants

OK.

Sometimes life gets weird, and this is one of them.

I have been sooooooo avoiding the inner conflict of picking up my yoga practice. Obvious to anyone that knows me. But yesterday I sorted through the piling up mags and made a nifty little stack of languishing, unread Aquarian Times to stick on the bookshelf next to my collecting-dust Bound Lotus manual and various other yoga tomes I haven't cracked in almost GASP a year and a half.

And for some reason flipped through one and for some other reason stopped to read the White Tantric ad....only that...(OK, I did say this was weird, right?)

...and I literally felt a foot connect to my backside.

White Tantric is coming HERE, to Minneapolis, in November 2008.

The marathon of meditation.

The workshop I was soooooooo set to HATE when I had to take it to get my certification, approaching the mandated attendance with total resentment for the not-at-all-in-the-budget expense of a trip to Chicago....

...and found myself wishing I could run rogue and caravan around the globe doing nothing else by the end of the day.

It will be here, in my back yard, in 16 months.

And I am going to be ready.